You Don't LOOK Sick!

In the early 2000’s, I contracted Lyme disease from a tick bite. Because I am from an area that is not endemic to the disease, it was misdiagnosed for several years. By that time, it had developed into the chronic form, called late-stage Lyme.

Lyme is known as the great deceiver because it mimics other diseases, such as fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. It caused excruciating pain all over my body. If I unconsciously started to turn over during the night, pain would rip through my body. If someone touched my arm, I would have to fight not to recoil because of the discomfort.

Thankfully, after the correct diagnosis and several long, long treatments of IV antibiotics, the Lyme went into remission.

The interesting thing was, I didn’t LOOK sick.

There were no lesions, scars, or even redness.

During those years, some well-meaning friends unknowingly inflicted emotional pain on top of the physical hell I experienced.

Below are some thoughts for supporting a friend who finds themselves in a similar position.

What NOT to say to someone with chronic pain.

·         You don’t look sick.

Don’t assume if a person looks fine they are not desperately ill. I perfected a special talent, honed from years of practice. I could chat with you, and you’d never know I was carefully schooling my features to hide the stabbing pain. I would tell myself, ‘A little while longer and I can lie down.’

·         You should get out more. It’ll make you feel better.

It may be true, but I am the only one who can make that call.

·         If you had enough faith, God would heal you.

It still amazes me, but I’ve had people say that. Maybe it’s true, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

·         You can handle this.

I used to believe I could handle anything I had to. Not anymore. The pain was so unrelentingly vicious, I asked my husband to pray I would die. (He refused, thank God). But, there are some things worse than death.

What TO say to someone in chronic pain.

·         I’m so sorry you don’t feel good.

·         I’m praying for you.

·         How are you today?

·         Can I do anything for you?

·         I’m going to the grocery store. Can I pick up something for you?

·         I make too much soup yesterday. Thought you might like some.

·         Wondered if the kids could come over and play at my house for a while. I could pick them up.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on ways to help someone who is suffering with this type of unseen disease.